July 12, 2011
Pages 191 - 192
"... I want you to know them the difference between what they think you are and what you can be. To them, you're nothing but another nigger - no dignity, no heart, no love for your people. You can prove them wrong. You can do more than I can ever do. I have always done what they wanted me to do, teach reading, writing, and arithmetic. Nothing else - nothing about dignity, nothing about identity, nothing about loving and caring. They never thought we were capable of learning these things. 'Teach those niggers how to print their names and how to figure on their fingers.' And I went along, but hating myself all the time for doing so."
-Grant telling Jefferson how he has the ability to be a hero for their community
Grant has now gone deeper than just telling Jefferson he is not a hog. Grant is now trying to convince Jefferson he can be a hero. He can stand up for his community and take pride in where he comes from. He can be the first person for them to have pride in. He can also teach the community a lesson. It seems as if Jefferson now has a chance to become the teacher. If Jefferson can teach the community what it's like to have dignity and pride, maybe he can prevent the children from becoming like him because he can show them there are other options for them to take.
Grant also explains why he is really angry at the people around him. It is because he is angry at himself. Grant never pushed the boundaries. He never tried to do more than what the white men told him to do. And he regrets it every day, and doesn't want Jefferson to be the same way. But what could Grant have done if he knew about dignity? Would he have stood up to white men and acted as he truly wanted to? Or would he have even more shame in himself because he was to scared to be different? Maybe it's not just that Grant was scared of the consequence from the white community, but he also fears of rejection by his own community also.
But why wouldn't Jefferson have the same fear? He has 5 weeks left before he dies. My guess is that Jefferson is to the point where he has nothing to lose. Grant knows that everything Jefferson does now is what he will be remembered for. If he stands up to the white people, something everyone wants to do but is afraid to, he will be remember for being a symbol of hope for their community. Not shame for being a murderer. I think Grant is trying to get Jefferson to do something that's not only beneficial to himself, but to his community also. He wants Jefferson to show the white community that African Americans aren't all willing to just accept the way things are and some are willing to fight against it. Maybe something as small as this one event will put enough fear or respect in the white community that things will being to change.
Here Grant is telling Jefferson that he has a chance to be different. He can act like no one of his kind has done before. I see this quote as encouragement for Jefferson, but also a looking into what the beginning of the civil rights movement started by. It what the ideas during this time that pushed people like Martin Luther King Jr and Rosa Parks to fight for what they did. It was words like that that convinced them to push for change in later years. So this quote can actually allude to the same things said during the movement, and the motivation behind it.
Is it that Grant has the long hard fight--the fight that has no clear ending date--that makes it easier for him to hate himself? Even if he taught about dignity, humanity, identity, would it have value in this society? Wouldn't it be another thing that could be snatched away by the white men at any offense or grievance? Or is there a way to maintain these things in the darkest hours, such as what Jefferson is facing?
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